Letter from Harry
by Tom Kristal
Summary: DH Spoilers - Set before Chapter 15 . During a serious brooding session, Harry decides to write a letter but never aims to actually send it. H/G, R/Hr


**Letter from Harry**

_by Tom Kristal_

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**Standard Disclaimer:**

All creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator(s) and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. The author of the following fanfiction does not, in any way profit from the story and is written solely for entertainment purposes only. Associated names, characters, places, items, and descriptions used in the following fanfiction are the copyrights and/or trademarks of the rightful owners. Rights to characters and their settings is neither claimed nor implied.

**Plot Summary:** _(DH Spoilers - Set before Chapter 15)._ During a serious brooding session Harry decides to write a letter, but never aims to actually send it. [H/G, R/Hr

**Rating: **(T) **Length: **4,204 words

**Author Notes: **I hope this is an enjoyable read. This is my first ever fiction so… be gentle. If people could review this, that would be great. _This is one theory on how Ginny & Harry managed to reconcile after the battle. Just a possibility… Enjoy._

_- TK_

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**Letter from Harry**

Although this was not the night for snow, deep in the unknown forests of who-knows-where, a chilling freeze consumed the air. Even the dark and mysterious animals of that particular forest were found scarce on this night; likely scurrying away underneath some shelter. The wind was so cold, and the air was so bitter, the tent that Harry, Hermione and Ron now lived in looked as though it may fall apart from the shock. Yet despite this, a lone figure sat outside the tent looking intently at an old piece of parchment, sitting alongside the dying fire. Harry sat there almost chilled to the bone; his stomach growling with longing for food moss simply can't compensate for. His body was, like his demeanor: cold and starving.

Yet ironically for Harry, he was well adjusted to this barren weather. After years of neglect from the Dursleys, Harry well knew the feelings of malnourishment to the point of near starvation; he already knew what it was like to live in the dark, cold and alone. He laughed solemnly; perhaps he had to thank Vernon for something after all. Maybe even Dumbledore himself planned it this way. He had engineered everything else in his life after all he grimaced sardonically. Perhaps Dumbledore knew long ago that eventually there would be a time where Harry might end up in conditions like this.

And who would be better for this after all. Harry had no real possessions; Harry knew how to suffer in silence and focus on the job ahead. He knew how to work in secret, and never give up. But far most his greatest gift was to adore those he loved. The need to protect them had finally given him the motivation to do the seemingly impossible. And as clueless as he was currently, he was still somehow doing it: defying Tom Riddle. As insane as it sounds, Harry couldn't help but think that there wasn't some form of divine influence in his predicament. Except for one flaw perhaps.

Harry looked down at his parchment again, held tightly in his hands so the wind wouldn't sweep it away into the oblivion. Marked on this old parchment, was a detailed map of his first real home: Hogwarts. And on the far left corner of the map sat a stationary dot in the girls dormitories of Gryffindor towers. This dot read 'Ginny Weasley'. He stared at that dot for another few minutes. Or perhaps hours.

oOoOoOoOo

'Harry' a concerned feminine voice suddenly called out. Harry turned around to see Hermione poking her frizzy head out of the tent; her frowning brow reminiscent of Mrs. Weasley. Harry put on a fake smile and gazed back.

'What are you doing out here?' she questioned gazing at the fire. He looked back and to his utter bemusement the fire was almost completely out. Perhaps he had been there for hours after all.

Oops'' he laughed a little too casually. He plucked out his wand and pronounced the incantation '_INCENDIO_' for the fire once again to abrupt into a blazing yellow flame. He let himself gaze at the fire for a few more moments and turned back to Hermione. Hoping to deter Hermione into leaving him alone for a little longer he tried to bluff her apparent concerns away. 'Nothing much Hermione. Just… enjoying the night air'. Hermione's frown inclined even further. Perhaps Ginny was right in stating that he couldn't lie. Ginny.

He continued unperturbed, 'And not to mention enjoying this fine meal you had prepared for us earlier'. Harry picked up his bowl of slosh, which was now half frozen and unceremoniously drank a mouthful of it down into his throat. It tasted of stale soup, icicles and cow manure.

'...I think it tastes even better when its cold I think', he managed to mumble out trying not to gag. Hermione gave him a look, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. 'Your really a terrible liar Harry'.

Ginny was right.

'Anyway, you better get back in soon Mr. 'food connoisseur', sir', she laughed. 'It's getting late, and were changing camps tomorrow morning remember'.

Harry nodded. 'Thanks Hermione. I'll be in, in a minute', he said as he once again looked back down to his map. 'I'm just... doing something right now'.

Hermione looked down at his hand to see the map he was holding. Looking up at him with utmost pity, she smiled and went back inside.

'What the hell is he doing out there', Ron loudly roared out inside the tent.

Hermione thankfully was a little more discrete, 'Nothing Ron. He's just uhh... thinking'.

'Thinking of what? It's bloody freezing out there!'

'Ronald language', she barked back, forgetting all discretion.

Forget language. If he's not back soon, then I'll drag him back inside myself'.

'Your impossible Ron' she hushed.

'Hey, I thought I was an enigma'.

'Your no more an enigma then I'm a circus clown'.

'A what?!...'

This candor went on for a few more minutes, until they finally decided to leave him alone to his own solitude.

oOoOoOoOo

Hearing the sound of their echoing voice fading out Harry knew he was alone again. Left alone in his thoughts, he stocked the fire again, encouraging it to last just a little bit longer. Thinking of Ron and Hermione, he couldn't help thinking that there was something else bothering him, beyond this terrible task. It was difficult to explain. It wasn't really a bad feeling, because he almost always was thinking of better times. But whenever he did think, his chest would somehow fill constricted as if a cold hand was pressing around it; and his stomach would turn into knots. The longing made him shudder.

Perhaps that was the problem he was feeling. Loneliness.

Whatever it was, he didn't like it. He never had to feel lonely when he was at the Dursleys. After all, how can you feel alone when your not wanted. But now he had so many things to miss.

He missed Hogwarts; he missed his classmates and teachers; he missed Quidditch and treacle tart; he missed Mr. and Mrs. Weasley; he missed their children; he missed Ginny; he missed Dumbledore. Harry tried to breathe in deeply in the vain attempt to ease the agony in his heart into a manageable throb, but it was of no use. And the worse part of it was, was that he could never tell Hermione and Ron about this. He was their leader now. He was responsible for them. What would they think of him if he confessed to being weak, or lonely? And beyond that, they couldn't really understand what he was going through. Especially when 'they' have each other. With Ron and Hermione's relationship blooming, the golden trio was slowly diminishing before his eyes into the 'Duo and that other guy with the glasses'. As much as he was happy for them, the longing gnawed at him.

He was alone now. Perhaps more than ever before. And he couldn't help but think why hadn't Dumbledore planned for this too. Gave him some reassuring words at the very least. Of coarse, he knew what Dumbledore would say... This is love Harry: your greatest power. Some power that it is. Although the pain in his chest had finally diminished into that manageable throb he'd been hoping for, it still felt just as painful. He looked down at Ginny again, hoping that perhaps she was thinking about him too, far away in that cozy dorm room of hers.

Not thinking about what he was doing, he grabbed the flattest piece of wood he could find from the pile they had for the fire and transfigured it into a blank sheet of paper. He then pulled out one of his own muggle pens from his pocket and started writing.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

_My dearest Ginny, _

_I'm not entirely sure why am I writing to you, because I know that this will never reach your eyes. As much as I would like you to have this; it would be too dangerous to send. And besides, even if I was allowed to, I couldn't now with Hedwig gone. Hedwig was my first friend you know; beyond Hagrid. I miss him dearly. I miss you._

_It was sad how I only got to know you in those few weeks. I know it really sounds kind of sappy, but I really meant what I said at Dumbledore's funeral. You may not have realized it, but those few weeks were perhaps some of the happiest times I ever had. __I still remember what happened the night of Dumbledore's death too. Not the obvious part, but seeing you there afterwards. I was sitting there with him, not wanting to leave. But then you came and all of a sudden I was at home. No-one could have done what you did for me that night. I may not have been aware of it at the time, but I know it now. So thank you. __Even after his death, you were great. By that point, I knew I had to break things off (and I think you knew that too). But never-the-less you were still there with me through the thick of it all. _

_I just wish I could have been there the same for you, after the Chamber of Secrets. I regret not being there for you. Even before the incident, but especially after. We were both scarred by Tom in our own little way. Not many other people can truly appreciate that. Both of our innocence was taken away by him at an age too young to be lost. I could have helped you. We could have helped each other. _

_My only excuse (and you must acknowledge it as being a rather feeble one) was that at the time I was really just hanging in there. There was always something out there to get me, and you were always so shy around me. I didn't know how to react. I know it may seem silly but I really was clueless. __Even with Cho, by that point I still had no idea. I know you probably don't want to hear anything about her seeing which, but in hindsight, you really have to thank her. If it wasn't for her, I may have not learned my lesson and found you. A smart, funny redhead that smells of wild flowers, kind of like your demeanor: sweet but highly flammable._

_I hope Hogwarts is treating you well. I can only guess how things are there at the moment with Tom taking control of the ministry. I don't like to think of you being in any harm though. Although I expect things to be worse than Umbridge, I would really like to think your just working hard in your studies; sleeping in your dormitory, playing Quidditch; all the things an average 16 year old girl should be doing. I might try to hold onto that thought._

_The conditions on this side of the world are... diverse. All three of us share Perkins tent we borrowed for the Quidditch Cup. Because were after a low profile (seeing which I am officially public enemy No.1), our campsites are often isolated in forests, etc. And seeing which its winter where we are currently; the temperature often ranges from bitter to freezing. Food is a little on the low side too, but Hermione has now become a gourmet chef in tree-fungus broth. It's quite delicious. _

_As you can see Ginny, there is a hint of sarcasm in my voice. Personally for me at this point - I don't really care. It's a way of life at the moment and we're living it. The only reason I'm saying any sort of criticism at the moment is because of you brother; who apparently wishes to reignite this feeling every second, of every minute of every single day. To say he is grumpy would be an understatement. I'm really not sure what's wrong with him actually. I practically begged them not to join me on this mission and here he is complaining like I promised to take him to Disneyland (a muggle place). I guess we're all a little edgy at the moment._

_The only thing that seems to be keeping the balance right now is the thing that is going on between Ron and Hermione. Yes I mean 'the thing'. Apparently there is a thing happening between Ron and Hermione now. I know, I lost the bet. I don't think that it is official or even in the romantic capacity as of yet, but they certainly seem to be getting along well recently. The only real noticeable difference right now is that when it comes to decision times, they tend to now team up against me. It's a little annoying actually, but I guess that's the price you pay, right? __I have to admit though, seeing them together gets me a little lonely. They have each other out here, and I have you in your dormitory at Hogwarts. I really do miss everyone. I miss you. I hope you miss me too. Not that I'm dictating terms on you or anything; but after our last kiss together... well I just miss you. I could have decked Ron for that, you know. _

_It's funny how my life has ended up like this. I mean before I was eleven, I had no-one. And I do mean it Ginny when I say no-one. My relatives (not my family: that is reserved for the Weasleys), looked at me with content. As if any wrong move and I would blow up. They used to keep me under the stairs until I was eleven you know. I'm not joking; my room, until Hogwarts stated sending letters was in a broom closet under the stairs. I've barley told anyone about that before. I once told Ron when we first met to make him feel better about having no money, but I think he thought I was exaggerating things a little. I haven't told anyone else. Not even Dumbledore. The only reason I stayed there at all is because of my mother. Apparently when my mum sacrificed her life, it protected me somehow. It made it so not even Tom can touch me at the Dursleys, because of my blood connection to my aunt. _

_There's allot of things like that you don't know about me Ginny. I have a lot of secrets that I was always made to keep quiet. Once I get back though, (if you want) I will tell you everything. I think it's my new goal in life. To not keep secrets from those I care about. And besides... you are right; I am a bad liar._

_I'm sorry I had to go. I never wanted this burden Dumbledore gave me. But as it turns out, it has always been my burden. Do you remember the 'prophesy' at the Department of Mysteries? Well I know what it says. Dumbledore had heard it first hand. In laments terms it said: 'Neither shall live while the other survives'. Its either him or me. Either he will hunt me down until I am dead, or I'll hunt him down. There is no other way. _

_I'm sorry._

_And that's the reason I left. To go and find a way to kill him. _

_I already have a plan. Dumbledore showed me. The sad part is if I fail, there is nothing to stop him because no-one knows about Tom's dirty little secret like I do. I know what Tom did to himself, and it's not pretty._

_I'm sorry I had to leave you Ginny. If there was anyone else who could do what I am doing, I wouldn't have left. I know you were upset when we broke up. I don't know what its like to be on the receiving end of all of this. Trust me when I say I left you for completely selfish reasons. Hate me for it if it makes you feel better. _

_I've been sitting here, writing to you Ginny, not really knowing why. But now I think I'm starting to get it. I need you in that girl's dormitory at Hogwarts Ginny. I need to know that they can't take everything I love away from me. That you are safe and out of danger. If something happened to you, I think it would be the last straw for me. I've lost almost everyone I have ever had the courage to say that I love. I have lost my parents and Sirius, and now Dumbledore (not to mention Cedric). All I know Ginny is that if anything were to happen to you; it would destroy me utterly. I would have no reason to fight anymore. You are my endgame Ginny._

_I'm sorry to place that burden on you, but you are keeping me alive._

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry._

_Like I said before Ginny, I am never going to send this to you. I will likely burn this after I am done. But just know that even if you are a million miles away. Even if I am long gone and dead. Even if you decide to move on with your life (which I wouldn't blame you if you did). I will forever love you. _

_We will always have Hogwarts I guess._

_Yours Truly,_

_Love Harry_

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Harry finished writing. He said a little more than he originally wanted to say, but once he got into it, it was really hard to stop. Pretending like it was a real letter; he neatly folded it into quarters as he would with a normal letter. For the finishing touches, he grabbed some more wood and tried to extract as much tree sap from the branches as he could. Once he had a manageable glob he pressed it down over the base of the letter and flattened it down with his thumb. It made him smile in reminiscent to the letters he used to receive from Hogwarts. For his final task, he turned the parchment over and with the tidiest hand writing he could muster he wrote: 'To Ginny'.

With his task now done, he sat back down with it still in his hand. He starred at this simple parchment for another really long time, wondering exactly what to do with it. Was he to throw it away like he promised; or should he keep it; or even worse, give it to Ginny?

Impossible.

He knew above all things that he never could give the letter to her. How could he? What if she read it and she didn't feel the same way? He could never look at her in the eye again. Not to mention at what it says. What if a Death Eater got a hold of this. His mouth instantly went dry just contemplating what could happen.

No. One thing was for certain: no-one must ever know about this letter.

'Harry?'

oOoOoOoOo

He jumped. In an instant from hearing the voice he was on his feet, wand in his hand, ready to go down fighting.

Then he recognized the voice. And the two sitting across from him by the dwindling fire. It was Hermione and Ron. In the commotion, they too had stepped back, hands raised. Too slow to pull out their wands out apparently they looked otherwise terrified.

'Sorry guys', Harry said with a small voice, putting his wand back into his pocket. All three of them settled down a bit, sitting back down alongside the fire. The fire was once again almost out, but at least the bitter wind had finally decided to end for the night.

How long had they had been sitting there Harry wondered. He looked at his hand again. It was still grasping the letter tightly, a little crushed for wear now, he laughed to himself. He noticed them stare at him while he tried feebly to flatten the letter again with his hands.

So much for keeping this letter a secret.

'...So' Harry tried to make lighter conversation, 'What are you guys doing up so late?'

'Just thinking the same thing about you mate', Ron replied still eying the letter.

Harry shifted uncomfortably on the ground. 'Yeah, about that...' stalling, looking for a way out. 'I think I must have just lost track of the time, that's all'. He looked at Fabian's watch; it was 3am.

How long had he been writing, he thought.

'Well speaking of which' standing up, avoiding their eyes 'I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired. I think... I might head off to bed'.

Glad to finally find a credible excuse to leave as quickly as possible, Harry quickly brushed himself off before taking a look at the map for the final time that night. Ginny was still in her dormitory. He smiled.

'Are you alright Harry?' Hermione asked with honest concern in her voice.

'Mischief Managed' he whispered to the map, watching it fade and fold into its disguised form.

Harry looked up at their concerned faces. They were not saying much, for which he was glad.

'Yes I'm fine'.

Pocketing the map, he quickly said his goodnights and went to leave. But there was one last thing he had to do. Not wishing to look at it, he unceremoniously palmed the letter over the fire and dropped it, allowing it to burn away his sorrows. Without another second glance, Harry finally opened the tent to go to bed.

oOoOoOoOo

_'Accio letter'._

The letter silently flew out of the fire and landed slightly smoldered in Hermione's hand.

'What are you doing Hermione' Ron cried, slightly shocked.

'Harry dropped his letter into the fire Ronald', she explained as if explaining to a two year old what two plus two equaled.

'Harry dropped that letter on purpose Hermione, and you know it'. He was amazed at what was going on before his eyes. He could imagine Fred or George stooping so low, but Hermione?

Ignoring him, she looked down at the unopened letter

'It was addressed to Ginny' she said amazed, passing it over to Ron.

Sure enough, the back of the letter was neatly addressed 'To Ginny'.

It was quite thick for a simple letter. How many pages did he write, Ron thought to himself. And to my own sister too, no less. His blood began to boil at the prospect of thinking what could Harry possibly have to say to Ginny that would take several pages to write. Letting into the rage, Ron grabbed the seal as if to open it. Seeing this, Hermione immediately snatched it back off him again before he had the chance.

'Don't you dare Ronald' she eyed him fiercely.

'It's about my sister' Ron defended himself indignantly; 'I have a right to know'.

'Its still. None. Of. Our. Business', stabbing daggers at him with her eyes.

Feeling rather small on the receiving end of her glare, he mumbled submissively 'And here I was thinking you had turned to the dark side'.

Hermione giggled a little and her face softened. But Ron was even more confused now. 'Well if we aren't going to read it, then what are we going to do with it? Burn it like Harry tried?'

'No' she said haughtily.

'What do you mean no? It's none of our business what it says. Remember?'

'It doesn't matter. It belongs to Ginny'.

Ron recoiled at this. 'I don't want my sister reading whatever is in that'.

'Oh really Ronald. It's her letter. She deserves to read it'.

'Harry wanted to destroy it' thinking loyally about his friend 'we should respect his wishes'.

'Harry may have wrote it', Hermione persisted 'But this is Ginny's now and when we get back she is going to want to read this letter'.

'How do you know' he eyed her skeptically.

'Because I know Ginny and I know Harry'.

Picking up the object beside her, Hermione opened up the small magically enlarged handbag and carefully places the letter inside. She looks back up at Ron hopefully. 'I'll give it to her when the time is right'. Seeing that there was no-way out short of flat out arguing with her, he simply nodded his head to show defeat. Beaming, Hermione lifted herself up onto her feet and Ron followed suite, in prepared to making their way to bed, finally. Thinking about perhaps restocking the fire, he turned around to grab more wood; but instead to his utter shock, Hermione delicately took his hand in hers and kisses him on the cheek. They look at each other slowly, with shock and amazement written in their eyes.

'Goodnight Ron'.

'Goodnight Hermione'.

Slowly letting go from their embrace, Hermione walks back inside. Left alone, Ron touches his cheek. It still feels warm from her breath, he thought.

'Are you coming?' she called quizzically inside the tent.

'Ye-ah' he stutters. 'Just going to stoke the fire before turning in'.

Hermione disappeared back into the tent again.

Ron grabbed some more wood and places it around the fire. Thinking about what just happened he almost laughs to himself. Don't see what the big deal Hermione's making of this anyhow. It's only a letter.

_'INCENDIO'_

**Fin. **


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